Music of the Night Love Me Tender
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Marriage Questionnaire

Please take a few minutes and fill out our questionaire. We are trying to discover the foundation for good marriages. We are also tring to uncover the root causes of the major problems that arise in marriages. We want to be able to help couples before and during their marriage to build strong, healthy and growing relationships

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Tell Us A Little About Yourself

Are you:
Male
Female

Your marital status-If you have been divorced, please check that along with your current status.

Married Engaged Contemplating Marriage
Not Married, Living with Someone Not Married, Just Broke up with Someone Divorced

How many long term relationships have you had?

None This is the first
One - Three Four - Seven
Eight - Ten More than Ten

On Average, how long do your relationships last?

Under 6 Months Between 6 Months and 1 Year
Between 1 and 2 Years Between 3 and 5 Years
Between 6 and 10 Years More Than 10 Years

Please check your Age group.

Under 18 Between 19 and 24
Between 25 and 34 Between 35 and 44
Between 45 and 54 More than 55

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Basic Marriage Facts

1) Rate your marriage:

Yuck!1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Wow!!

2) Where did you meet your Spouse?

3) Under what circumstances did you meet your Spouse?

4) What did you do for dates?

5) How long did you know each other before you were married?

Less than One Month
One to Six Months
Greater than Six Months but less than 1 Year
Longer than a Year but Less than Two Years
Two Years or more

6) Did you make a total commitment to your spouse before or at the time of your marriage?
Yes
No

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Rating Your Marriage

7)How well did you think you knew each other before marriage?

Not well1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Very Well

8) How well did you actually know each other before marriage?

Not well 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Very well

9a)Did the reality of your marriage meet your expectations?
Yes
No

9b) If not, what is different?

9c)Is the reality better or worse than your expectations?
Better
Worse

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Communication

10) Before marriage, did you discuss what you both wanted out of life?
Yes
No

11)Did you communicate well before marriage?
Yes
No

12) Do you talk (not fight) now?
Yes
No

13) Can you talk comfortably to your spouse about intimate things?
Yes
No

14) Is your spouse your best friend?
Yes
No

15) Can you have a discussion without it turning into a fight?
Yes
No

16) Are you afraid of upsetting or angering your spouse if you wish them to do something a different way?
Yes
No

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Attraction - Then and Now

17a) What attracted you to this person in the first place?

17b) Do you still find this attractive?
Yes
No

17c)Why or why not?

18) What is/was the basis of your relationship with your spouse? Number in order of importance to you.

Financial Friendship
Physical Attraction Intellectual
Emotional Support Family Expectations
Spiritual Compatibility Love
Sex Dependability

19a) Does your spouse have personal habits that are annoying to you?
Yes
No

19b) How annoying?

Not Very1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I'm Ready to Leave

20a) Did you want to change something about your partner after you were married?
Yes
No

20b) If so, what?

20c)Did you accomplish it?
Yes
No

20d) If you didn't accomplish it, is it still a problem?
Yes
No

20e)How big of a problem?

Not Much1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I'm Ready to Leave

21) What did you learn about your spouse after marriage that is causing a problem now (such as gambling, hobbies, personal habits, etc.)?

22) Do you resent your spouse's friends?
Yes
No

23) Do you feel he/she spends too much time with those friends?
Yes
No

24a) List in order of importance what you see as the 10 most important things to your spouse.
(Ex: Job, kids, sports, hobbies, boat, car, friends, telephone, computer, you, etc)

1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10:

24a) List in order of importance the 10 most important things to you.

1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10:

25)Do you feel that you are being taken for granted by your Spouse?
Yes
No

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Family Pressures

26) Did your father approve your choice of spouse?
Yes
No

27) Did your mother approve your choice of spouse?
Yes
No

28)Describe your relationship with your father?

Horrible 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Fantastic

29)Describe your relationship with your mother?

Horrible 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Fantastic

30a) Did your family expect you to marry?
Yes
No

30b) How did you feel about that?

31a) Did your family expect you to have children?
Yes
No

31b)How did you feel about that?

32) Does your spouse's family expect the wife to work?
Yes
No

33) Does your spouse's family expect you to have children?
Yes
No

34)How much pressure has been excerted by the wife's family for her to work?

None 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Intense

35) How much pressure has been excerted by the wife's family for you to have children?

None 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Intense

36) How much pressure has been excerted by the husband's family for the wife to work?

None 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Intense

37) How much pressure has been excerted by the husband's family for you to have children?

None 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Intense

38)How much pressure is there to change your chosen career?

None 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Intense

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Ulterior Motives

39) Why did you get married, check all that apply?

Unlimited Sex
Independence
Love
Security
Money
Get away from a situation
Rebellion
Seemed like a good idea at the time
Lesser of two evils
Unplanned (by at least one party) Pregnancy

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Sex

40a) Rate your sexual relationship with your spouse.

Yuck 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Spectacular

40b) Do you desire:

More sex
Less sex
Amount is about right

41) How important is sex to you?

Unimportant 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Absolutly Essential

42a) Do you enjoy sex?
Yes
No

42b)If no, why not?

43a) Have you discussed your sexual expectation with your spouse?
Yes
No

43b)If not, why?

44a) Can you communicate to your Spouse what is pleasurable and what is not pleasurable for you?
Yes
No

44b) If not, why?

45a) Do you know anything about the sexual responses of your spouse?
Yes
No

45b) Do you know what those responses mean?
Yes
No

46)Was sex ever discussed in your home when you were growing up?
Yes
No

47)Did your parents show non-sexual affection for one another openly?
Yes
No

48) Do you feel comfortable showing non-sexual affection for your spouse openly?
Yes
No

49) Do you have a special time set aside just for the two of you?
Yes
No

50) How often?

Infrequently
Every Other Month
Once a Month
Twice a Month
Once a Week
Twice a Week

51) What do you and your spouse enjoy doing together?

52)What do you enjoy doing alone?

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Jobs and Money

53a) Is your or your spouse's career a problem?
Yes
No

53b)If yes, why?

54) Did you discuss careers before marriage?
Yes
No

55a)Can you calmly discuss careers now?
Yes
No

55b)If not, why?

56) Was wife's working or staying home agreed upon before marriage?
Yes
No

57a)Who controls the money?

Husband
Wife
Mutual Control
Each controls their own

57b)Does this work for you?
Yes
No

57c) Why or Why not?

58a)Do you have his money and her money?
Yes
No

58b)If so, whose money gets spent on essentials?
His
Hers
Both

58c)List in order of importance what you consider the 5 most essential things to spend money on?
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:

58d)List in order of importance what you consider the 5 most essential things to your Spouse to spend money on?
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:

59) Who makes the decision on how money is spent?

Husband
Wife
Each Makes decisions
We Decide Together

60) Do you calmly discuss major purchases?
Yes
No

61a)Have you ever fought about money?
Yes
No

61b)How often?

61c) Does fighting solve anything?
Yes
No

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Children

62a) Did you plan your family together?
Yes
No

62b)Did you discuss this before marriage?
Yes
No

62c)Did you agree on this issue?
Yes
No

62d)If no, who surrendered?

Husband
Wife

62e) Why?

62f)Is this a point of conflict?

Yes
No

62g) If no, why not?

63a)Who is the primary care giver for the children?

Wife
Husband

63b)Is this a problem?
Yes
No

63c)Why or why not?

64a)Can the primary care giver have a few hours away from the children without having to hire an outside babysitter?

Yes
No

64b)If not, why?

64c)Is this a problem?

Yes
No

64d) Why or why not?

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Household Chores

65)Do you divide the household chores?
Yes
No

66a)Who's job is it? (his or hers)

Job Description His Hers Both
Cooking
Childcare
Taking out Garbage
House Cleaning
Laundry
Auto Repair
Cleaning the Car
Mowing the Lawn
Household Repairs
Bill Paying
Cleaning the Garage
Washing Dishes
Grocery Shopping
Planning Meals
Chauffeuring Children

66b) Are these inflexible?
Yes
No

66c) Do you fight over it?
Yes
No

66d) Do you or your spouse have an ATTITUDE about it?

Self
Spouse
Neither
Both

67) If your spouse has to work extra hours, are you cheerfully willing to do his/her chores?
Yes
No

68a)Do you resent your spouse's business trips and extra hours at work?

Yes Always
Yes Often
Yes Sometimes
Seldom
Never

68b) If you answered Yes, do you let him/her know?
Yes
No

68c) Do you have an ATTITUDE about it?
Yes
No

68d) If you resent your spouse's business trips or overtime, can you explain why?

69a) Have you tried working together on the chores?
Yes
No

69b)Why or why not?

70a) Do you feel you do more than your share of the total work load?
Yes
No

70b)If yes, why do you feel that way?

70c)Does this bother you?
Yes
No

71a) Do you perceive that you spouse creates unneccessary extra work for you?
Yes
No

71b) If yes, why?

71c) Does this bother you?
Yes
No

71d) Have you tried to talk about it?
Yes
No

71e)If yes, what was the result?

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Religion

72a)Are you religious?
Yes
No

72b)How religious?

Not Very 10 Extremely

72c)Were you religious before your marriage?
Yes
No

73a)Is your spouse religious?
Yes
No

73b)How religious?

Not Very 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Extremely

73c)Was your spouse religious before your marriage?
Yes
No

74)Did you discuss your religious beliefs before marriage?
Yes
No

75) Do your beliefs cause conflict with your spouse?
Yes
No

76)Can you resolve these conflicts without fighting or one person surrendering everything?
Yes
No

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Stress

77a)If you and your spouse have both had an extremely stressful day, how do YOU deal with it? Check all that apply:

Fight Make Passionate Love To Your Spouse
Ignore Your Spouse Bury Yourself in a Hobby
Go For A Walk Take a Nap
Work Out at the Gym Talk it out with your Spouse
Take a Bath or Shower Throw Things
Break Things Other(explain)

77b)Does this work?
Yes
No

77c)If not, why?

78)Have you and your spouse ever discussed dealing with stress?
Yes
No

79)What causes your stress?

80)Can you eliminate or reduce it?
Yes
No

81)Is stress affecting your relationship to your spouse?
Yes
No

82)Do you percieve that stress is affecting your spouse's relationship to you?
Yes
No

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Summary

83)Is your spouse considerate of your needs and feelings?

Always
Sometimes
Never

84)Are you considerate of your spouse's needs and feelings?

Always Sometimes Never

85a)If you could do one thing different, what would it be?

85B)Why?

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