Have you ever spent time talking to someone, and when you walked away you could not remember anything you talked about?

Have you ever been telling someone about a very exciting event in your life, and when they finally speak, it is on a totally unrelated subject?

It is really sad when these things happen and it is a friend or an acquaintance. It is a tragedy when the other person is your Spouse.

Communication is a two way street. If someone is sending a message, but no one is listening, there is no communication. Remember the Titanic. How many lives were lost because the SOS signal was sent, but no one was listening.

In order for good communication to take place, there must be a sender and a receiver, that is true, but the sender and the receiver must switch places occasionally. The sender must become the receiver and the receiver become the sender for it to be communication and not a lecture.

Most of you have sat through a lecture hall in school at some point in time. If you have no input into the topic, it becomes boring, you turn off your mind, no longer receive and maybe miss the really important point the lecturer is trying to make. The same holds true for interpersonal communication. Don't be a lecturer, allow the input of others into the conversation, and listen to what they have to say.

Now for some "rules" for communication.

Make time every day for pleasant communication with your Spouse. This doesn't have to be hours, 15 minutes when you both get home is a good goal to start with.

Go into a private room, close the door and share your day with each other.

Don't answer the telephone. The answering maching can handle it, or, if it is important the calling party will call back. Truly most telephone calls are not important enough to break up good communication with your Spouse. Read the "Tyranny of the Urgent" one day, learn to discern between what is important and what is merely urgent.

Don't answer the doorbell. If it is truly important, they will come back or leave a note.

Don't fight, and don't say anything that would lead to a fight, keep the conversation on non-sensitive issues.

Really listen when the other person is talking. Be able to make an intelligent, to the point, timely comment on what they have said.

Don't let your mind wonder

Don't plan what you are going to say next

Don't interrupt what they are saying

This is not the time to bring up the gripes and complaints you have, this is not the time to nag, throw up past faults, list chores that need done or rake over family problems. This is a time for just getting connected after being apart all day.

Make eye contact with the other person. When you are looking into someone's eyes, you are concentrating on them alone, you are more prone to be hearing what they are saying and not redecorating the room in your mind.

Relax, don't be impatient, this is communicated to the other person in your body language and will upset them.

If the communication is good, and you can steal a few more minutes, or can carry the conversation to another room, then do so, don't let the clock rule the conversation.